


I just want to turn the lights on (in these volatile times)

by BarksOfTheHeart



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternative Universe - Academy, F/F, academy au, alternative universe, it's a PREVIEW to the new thing i'm working on, smoking tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3202043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarksOfTheHeart/pseuds/BarksOfTheHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Volatile Times -- Carmilla Academy AU). This is a PREVIEW of the Academy AU that I'm developing.<br/>“Am I being complimented here, cutie?”<br/>“Uh, yes…but not in the way you’re thinking.” Laura drops her head to her now fidgeting hands. What did she think Carmilla was thinking<br/>“Oh, please tell me what I’m thinking.” She quirks her eyebrow with curiosity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I just want to turn the lights on (in these volatile times)

**Author's Note:**

> And again, I'm developing this AU as it goes and this one-shot has no point in time right now. It's called Volatile Times, and it focuses on both the characters' lives in the academy and the complexities they face. It's on the works right now, but I have a solid idea of where I want to go. Feel free to ask on Tumblr (theotherbroodinglover)

Carmilla finally found her peaceful spot when she jumps one of the high walls. It’s colder than she thought, so she’s glad she slipped into her jacket before leaving the building. It’s not very far, but not too close from the academy either. And it was dark so nobody could spot her easily. She needed peace.

She’s agitated from the practice, but mostly because she was once again reprimanded by Gingersnap about trying to show off. No, actually, it was mostly because, as fantastic as everyone thought she looked, she almost lost control of herself. This hasn’t happened in quite some time, and it took her by complete surprise—so she _really_ needed a cigarette right now.

She pops up a one from her jacket’s pocket with her galaxy zippo lighter with trembling. As soon as she lights it, relief fills her body—except for her lungs, but that’s beside the point right now. Her hands are not shaking anymore and she smiles to herself. She could control this. It is very quiet for a while, so she closes her eyes and mind, enough to not notice someone almost on top of her preparing to jump down the wall.

“You smoke?” Carmila flinches—almost jumps—at the sudden appearance of Laura by her side. It sends a jolt of electricity through her spine and she swears she feels it all the way to her hands as well. “Sorry for scaring you.” She takes a long drag. “You’re not even supposed to smoke here I think.”

“Is there peace in this place at all?” Carmilla says as she exhales the smoke away on the opposite side to where Laura is sitting. Laura gets closer to her and Carmilla can feel her burning eyes on her.

“You smoke…” It’s not a question now, but it holds some confusion, as if Laura is still trying to process it what she’s seeing.

Carmilla turns to look at her—or just stare at her direction mostly. It’s too dark at first, but then not too dark to see Laura’s eyes looking at her disapprovingly. She’s still wondering how Laura found her, but she doesn’t think she’ll get an answer right now. “Yes, you said that already.”

“I just—I didn’t picture you—well I actually did at some point because, you know, you look broody and all...” Laura is rambling and _peace_ is nowhere to be found for Carmilla, so she just rolls her eyes while she takes another drag of her cigarette—their only source of light besides the moon hiding in the clouds. She thinks about exhaling the smoke to Laura’s face this time. But she hasn’t done anything to her, she’s a good person, she’s only trying to pry in her business with the best intentions and she’s just Laura. She stops that train of thought and turns her head to the other side. “But you really _don’t_ look like a smoker.” This makes Carmilla chuckle as she turns.

“And how is a smoker supposed to look like?” She’s fascinated. Carmilla wasn’t aware that smokers are supposed to look like something. But then again, this is Laura’s piece of mind.

“I don’t know. I just feel like nicotine takes away a person’s best features and—well—you look so…uh, fresh.” Carmilla wonders if Laura actually meant to say something like _beautiful_ or _pretty_ instead of fresh, and sees the opportunity to tease.

“Am I being complimented here, cutie?”

“Uh, yes…but not in the way you’re thinking.” Laura drops her head to her now fidgeting hands. What did she think Carmilla was thinking?

“Oh, please tell me what I’m thinking.” She quirks her eyebrow with curiosity.

Laura seems to blush, but it’s hard for Carmilla to tell because, after all, it’s dark. However, Laura stays silent. She’s about to take another drag when she feels a hand yank the cigarette out of her hands, and throwing it to the grass.

“Hey! What the frilly hell was that?” Now it’s completely dark, but it doesn’t make sense to Carmilla’s eyes because she could now see Laura clearly. Blame it on science.

“It’s terrible for you, and I don’t appreciate it when people smoke in my face.” She can definitely see the flame in her eyes now.

“Ok, first of all…I wasn’t blowing smoke in your face. Second of all, I don’t even do it that often—just when I need serenity, like right now.”

Carmilla props her back into the wall waiting for another response that doesn’t come. Just as she’s about to close her eyes, Laura groans and Carmilla knows she’s about to say something.

“Why?” Laura lets the word out in another frustrated sigh and Carmilla looks back at her.

“Why what?”

“Why do you smoke to find your _serenity_ , as you call it?” Laura’s face looks softer, and her eyes glare at the thrown cigarette a few seconds before returning her gaze to Carmilla.

Their faces are even clearer now. And maybe that’s because the moon is hitting them at a certain angle. This helps both of them to properly look at each other. Carmilla’s stare becomes deep, as she’s thinking about an eloquent answer to Laura’s question. It has always been a part of Carmilla, smoking. And she only did it when she felt anxious. Inhale and exhale, it was so easy, unlike every other aspect in her life in general. It was peaceful because she could control it completely, and there’s no better explanation than that.

“Because I can control it, unlike other things.” Her answer is vague, but to the point.

“It ends up becoming an addiction thought.” It sounds accusatory and dry. As if Laura is convinced Carmilla is one of those broken people who become dependent on their escape mechanisms. As if Laura knows what she’s talking about.

She’s broken, yes, but she’s far from letting yet another thing in her life rule her. It’s almost offensive, but she brushes it off.

“Cupcake, I’m aware of the implications of smoking. But really, I probably smoke once month when I feel extremely anxious.” Laura’s eyes flicker a different look, and it becomes unsettling enough for Carmilla to break the gaze and stand up. She turns around again to that same look and she regrets standing up because her feet don’t feel very steady at the moment. She really wants a cigarette now. “It’s just anxiety’s fault.”

“Anxiety. Got it.” She nods, and she stands up as well, almost too close to Carmilla. “I’m not going to ask about this now, but there has to be a better way to cope with it.”

“It’s all I’ve got now.” And it’s not a lie, and it sounds sadder than it was meant to sound. But Laura beamed at her instead.

“Well, promise me something then…” She’s waiting for approval and Carmilla nods slightly. And before she continues she puts a hand in Carmilla’s shoulder. “…if I find something else for you, promise me you’ll quit smoking.”

“You will find it, huh?” Carmilla gives Laura a half smile and Laura returns it.

“Yes, because you don’t seem to care enough to do so.” If it’s not by the softness of Laura’s expression, she would have thought Laura was still mad at her. She was not, although she should be because that accusation was true. “And I _do_ care.” After a long look, Laura’s hand is gone from Carmilla’s shoulder and she then tries to climb the wall to walk back to Sila’s ground. “Don’t make me look for you again!” Laura says from the other side of the wall.

Carmilla really wants a cigarette now, but she made a rule to not take two the same day—hell the same week. She’s in control, so she ignores the urge. It’s completely unrelated to her earlier worries, but she’s in control. Or so she likes to think.

**Author's Note:**

> theotherbroodinglover on tumblr to find out more about Volatile Times. Follow or ask questions if you'd like!


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